The Fire Down Below
by babylerms
Summary: random idea from the song the fire down below by slaves. check it out the song is way better than this story but the story although short is pretty okay i guess. cute moments for spashley. yay!


**pretty sure this is super pointless but i had the idea and figured why not write it. not sure how much attention this'll get since SON has been off the air for years but hey if one person likes it i guess i did okay.**

_Take the air from my lungs,_

_Put it in hers because_

_She's the one who deserves to live;_

_The one that I pray that God forgives._

"Spencer, lets go. Mom's going to kill us if we're late for church." Glenn yelled upstairs to his sister. Spencer finished typing out her text to Ashley and quickly ran down the stairs.

"It's good that you two finally figured out how to get dressed." Clay quipped from the passenger seat.

"I was just waiting on her and she doesn't even look that good." Glenn answered starting the car up as Spencer stuck out her tongue at him in the rearview mirror.

Church always filled Spencer both with a sense of excitement and fear being both Catholic and gay. She believed in God fully, had steadfast faith, and even in her most trying times felt less alone by praying. She felt that God loved her. She felt this despite the fact that almost all her fellow churchgoers, including her mother, saw being gay as a sin and a disgusting one at that. Spencer felt her relationship with God had nothing to do with what anyone else thought and she felt that even if these people couldn't accept her, even if her mother would stop loving her (which was a thought that had kept her awake many nights), God would always love her.

The three Carlin children scuttled into church and sat dutifully beside their parents. They were still early but not early enough for Mrs. Carlin who gave them a slight disapproving look not nearly as severe as it would've been had they actually been late. After communion Spencer kneeled with the rest of the congregation and offered up her prayers. She prayed for her mom and her dad and her brothers and all her family she didn't get to see as much back in Ohio and she prayed for Chelsea and Aiden and even Madison and when she could think of no one else to pray for she prayed for the one girl who never left her head. She prayed for the one whom she had been avoiding praying for. Not because this girl didn't deserve prayers, no, Spencer believed she deserved prayers above all the others she had prayed for but because when talking to God Spencer's explanation of her relationship with Ashley always became vague and confusing. Spencer knew this was stupid, God is omniscient. He already knew what Ashley and Spencer were to each other and probably knew before they did but to think about it with all these pious yet equally judgmental people surrounding her made Spencer uncomfortable.

One time at confession she had even thought about coming out to the priest, knowing it was confidential and he couldn't tell anyone else what was said. But her fear was too great. What if he tried to talk to her outside of confession about it? What if despite his oath he told her parents? What if he never looked at her the same again? This coupled with the fact that she was almost certain what he would say made that idea seem ridiculous. He would tell her being gay was wrong and she had to resist temptation and fight to live a normal life. Spencer already felt normal. She felt like this was her normal life but she still wasn't sure how to reconcile her faith with her sexuality.

After church Spencer drove over to Ashley's.

"How was church?" Ashley asked.

"It was good. You should come sometime." Spencer always said this and Ashley had yet to acquiesce.

"I would but I don't want your fellow churchgoers to tie me to a tree and put me death. That's not the kind of stoned I want to get."

Spencer rolled her eyes at this. "They wouldn't even know you're gay."

"That's besides the point. I don't want to be in an environment where I have to worry they'll find out. I don't understand how you go there every week when you know how they feel about us."

"It's not about them and it's not about us. It's about my relationship with God. I pray for you, you know?"

"You do?" Ashley asked surprisingly touched at the thought. Normally when people said this it was in a condescending manner but when Spencer said it, it displayed just how much she cared about Ashley.

"I do. I pray that if being gay is wrong in His eyes then even if He doesn't let me into heaven, I pray that He forgives you, and that you get to go there."

"It wouldn't be heaven for me without you." Ashley said and reached up to stroke Spencer's cheek. "Besides you're the good one, more deserving of heaven than any one of those old judgmental assholes. You're more deserving of life even. If it came down to you or me for once in my life I would get down on my knees and pray that God would take the air from my lungs and put it in yours because you are the most deserving person I know. You deserve all the goods things in this world and whatever comes after. That's why I don't understand what you're doing with me. I am not one of those good things in the world and yet you want to waste your time with me."

"You're better than you know, Ashley."

"You make me want to be better. I'll go to church with you next week."

"Seriously?" Spencer asked her voice high and a little squeaky with excitement.

"Seriously. It'll make you happy and it might piss your mother off which would just be a huge bonus."

Spencer smiled. "I love you." She said as she plopped down on the couch dragging Ashley down with her and cuddling into her girlfriend.


End file.
